shitcuntfagwaffle

Jeffery!

Fluffmodeous the Destroyer!

Stormageddon, dark lord of all.

Your loving parents coo at you and make a plethora of baby noises as they settle on a name--Jeffery.

"God's Peace"

They figured the name was a wonderful choice because you came as peacefully as a virgin snow in the beginning of winter.

You have your mothers gleaming blue eyes and you even came out with some black hair! Mazal tov!

Your days are spent eating and crying and sleeping, and then once more. It's a very eventful life.

Eventually, you are at a "play date" with the neighbors. Your mother and the woman are gossiping about who knows what and you are seated next to a plump baby girl approximately your age; 4-5 months.

What do you do?

I say "Yo baby girl, can I get yo digits?" and smack her diaper.

>>18823419

Bite her.

I survey the play pen for things to stick in my mouth.

>>18823463
spoken like a true infant

You examine the baby near you and flex your arms, wiggling them in sheer unadulterated passion as you attempt to squirm near the girl. Despite your best efforts you can't quite form the necessary words to request her phone number.

In a moment of frustration at the futility of it all, you bite down rather hard on the girl, causing her to cry out. In an instant you are scooped up and your mother is scolding you.

"Jeffery!" she continues on and you can't really understand her. Her tone is rather mean though. She seems disappointed.

After a few disciplinary moments outside of the playpen, you are put back after the girl is removed from your hostile self.

Now faced with isolation you survey the playpen. Biting felt good. You crave the ecstasy again and grab a rubber ring with your chubby fingers.

You stick it in your mouth.

You chew.

It's fantastic.

You continue your process you've nailed down to an art form. You chew on a toy, discard it, and pick it up again; discovering new methods of chewing and biting.

[Bite has leveled up!!]

After an hour, the sleeping girl is placed back in the play pen after your mother says your name again and something else that you don't understand.

What do you do?

((things can get high fantasy. doesn't matter))

>>18823463

>>18823419
I put my fist into my mouth and wipe it on the young girls face. Hah.

>>18823544
Party. Boogie. Groove. We are going to get funky right here, right now. Our dream of becoming the President of Funk begins now.

>>18823544
>>18823544

Look for a bottle of dark liquid to drink.

only good can come from it.

>>18823544

Request an audience with whatever forces might empower you, and bite her again.

I think I found my latest GURPS campaign guys.

I vote we bite her.

Bite the girl, bite your mother when she dares to lay hands upon yo. In fact, bite anyone who dares to touch your person without your expressed permission.

>>18823544

Try walking toward your mother.

That, or start spelling some words with blocks or whatnot.

I want a children of the corn/village of the damned thing going on.

>>18823644
I motion we dont. We already proved our dominance. Give her a hug, so the parents can d'aaw.

>>18823544
Shit myself.

rolled 10 = 10

Rolling to Perform (D'Aww) in the form of a babby to babby hug.

>>18823544
Survey your surroundings.

>>18823681
Yes! Our cuteness will allow us to sway them!

>>18823681

Its not about dominance, its about shoving stuff in our mouth, and biting it. My cousin had a baby recently and my first time interacting with him, he bit me, you know why? because he is a baby, its just something they do.

>>18823702
So...we cant do Rugrats shenanigans?

Rotdi Wyrmslayer

>>ntsonge victories;

>>18823702
You just don't want to admit you got dominated by a baby.

>>18823738

What? babies don't seek dominance dude. They don't understand the concept that the rest of the wold isn't under their control. Dominance comes after you realize shit doesn't beat to your drum.

>>18823759
How does it feel to be a babies bitch.

You look around the area you're currently in. You log your surroundings, at least what you can see:

1xRubber Chew Ring
1xStuffed Bear
3xStuffed Fish
15xRubber Letter Blocks
1xBaby Girl

There are four sides to the playpen which by your estimates are about 5 feet high. Your enclosure is 10x10.

You are conflicted. On one hand you think it would be a good idea to herald in a new age, the age of Jeffery and display your dominance in a feats of destruction and biting.

On the other hand, she looks huggable. You twist your neck and look at your mom. You certainly do love your mom. You really want to get close to her but try as you might, you can't walk.

Your feet kicking and grunts of effort do get her attention, however. She and her friend walk over to the playpen.

"Aww Jeffy are you trying to come see mommy?"

You babble in response to the question and worm your way to the girl near you.

You muster up all the vigor you have. This it it. You only get one shot...

Don't bite her.

You repeat the mantra.

Don't bite her.

You can do this!

You give the girl a small hug with a smile on your face. You maintain the loving embrace as the two women shriek in joy and begin taking pictures of you.

[Ability learned! Babby to Babby Hug!]

You are rewarded with a handful of blueberries from your mother.

You acquire 5 blueberries.

Phew! What an adventure! You deserve a vacation so you void your bowels. You feel slightly sleepy.

Your friend wakes up. She is eyeing your fruit and crawls towards you.

What do you do?

>>18823776
Smash the berries into her eyes. We must show we're the baby overlord.

Initiate the Stuffed Bear as your right-hand man. Named Commander Cuddles.

>>18823801

And bite her at the same time. Declaring to the world you were made for Destruction!

>>18823776
Share our bounty! Attempt hailing her, use all frequencies. We should apologize for before. We are benevolant, but fierce!

>>18823776

Eat your blueberries before she can get them.

Then go to the blocks and spell freedom! while rattling the enclosure with the chew ring.

She may have ONE berry. Suck the souls out of the remaining four berries to gain their power.

>>18823776
Share the fruit to earn her allegiance.

Baby army is a go.

rolled 10 = 10

>>18823776
I think its time to start influencing culture.

Its time to Perform (Food Art), by smashing those blueberries into either the carpeting or just plain smearing them across the hard floor.

>>18823776
Eat the blueberries and choke her.

>>18823815
>>18823824
>>18823801
B-but guys..we were rewarded for being nice before. And we can chew on the chew ring. The little girl will be our ward, the bear our general.

>>18823842

We need no ward, We require dark powers for destruction!

>>18823842
We've got stuffed animals, we need not other babies. Smash the berries into her eyes then choke her with our chew ring.

Make a sacrifice to the berry gods by scrawling an intricate symbol into the carpet using the blueberry juices.

attempt to share fruits with other baby to secure allegiance, but fail to do so equally as you lack the ability to do basic arithmatic

>>18823850
All other babies commit destruction. We shall be lords of order! Chaos will be controllrd by our tiny hands!

The young lass shall be our consort, garner her favor with a berry but maintain dominance by eating the others in front of her.

Start eating berries. If she comes too close and tries to grab at them, smack her hand.

Oh fine, don't bite her. Instead use berry juice to draw sacrificial circle around her.

>>18823886
How is that any better?

>>18823912

Its called a compromise, its when you won't shut up so I change what I want until I get it.

After moments of deliberation, you know what you're going to do. It took a heated argument between your now trusted general, Commander Cuddles, but you have figured out a way to broker diplomatic relations with Girl.

You hand her a berry but accidentally give her two because you're a baby and you don't do well with numbers quite yet.

No matter.

She seems ecstatic as she greedily inhales them and the women once again take pictures. You are a good boy. Sharing is caring.

You grin the most devious baby grin. All is going according to plan...

You pop a berry in your mouth because it's a blueberry and it's delicious and you mash the other two in your hands like they are little tiny planets and you are a little tiny malevolent god.

Your hands now covered in the blood of the fallen you begin to draw patterns on the floor. The patterns are from an aberrant language, you giggle as you picture a mere mortal even attempting to comprehend the Old Language.

The ritual is almost complete. You slap your hand in the middle of the circles and cry out to the farthest rim of the universe.

Yes! Yes!

You feel the power coursing through your body. The world is at your finger tips! Soon everyone will fear you!

You begin to fly away from the ground, ready to wreck havoc and burn the world.

((field too large, cont next post))

Suddenly, you feel a hand pat your bottom.

Your mother is holding you! She interrupted the ritual!

"Jeffy, did you have an accident?"

You squirm at her rhetorical question. Heralding the apocalypse was no accident!

You yearn to cry out, but to no avail. She takes you to the back and changes your diaper, placing you back in the play pen.

The girl!

She removed your sigls!

AND SHE HAS COMMANDER CUDDLES?!?

Your right hand....how can you ever lead an army of the damned when your bear is held hostage?

The bitch....she must have known of your plans. Her earlier diplomacy must have been a ruse...

What do you do?

>>18823982
We beat her into a bloody pulp with the rubber blocks, then use said blocks to bury the body.

>>18823982

We launch an assault to regain Commander cuddles.

raise army of letter blocks using stuffed fish lieutenants to stage rescue attempt for the commander

requesting that a drawfag draws Jeffery

Regurgitate on her in an act of defiance and for the glory of Grandfather Nurgle. She must be punished for interrupting the ritual.

>>18823982
in a furious rage, you should wiggle towards her gripping and tearing at her hair in attempts to retrieve you teddy bear, how ever you should get covered in blue berry goo in the process.

Capture the stuffed fish and negotiate a prisoner exchange.

>>18823982
>arrange blocks while 'carelessly' chewing them
>eventually they say 'DAT BITCH'

>>18823982
THROW OUR POO. LET THE FIRST OF OUR MANY AND TERRIBLE PLAGUES UPON THE WORLD BE KNOWN!

REETTUUURRNNN THE BEEAARRRR!

>>18824012
This! For the glory of Grampa Nurgle.

>>18823982
Challange her to a duel of wits. We shall beat her in block buildineg! We shall construct the designs of our fortress that we will one day have.

Take. My. Bear. Back.

I don't care who she is, that's my bear and it shan't be taken from me!

Locomotion might be a bit wobbly, but I'm determined to seek justice.

>>18823982
Train in Adult Language. Call her a bitch.

>>18824051
Seconded. How dare that back stabbing harlot try to turn my dearest friend against me!

In ancient tongues, fill one of the toy blocks with dark power and hurl the object at her like a streaking comet through the night sky. Let our wrath be known!

>>18824143
second this

Now now boys what girl would't fall for the cuddly charms of our general? Cut the girl some slack.

gabbagooblllpppppppppt

>>18824170
>>18824170

this

what self respecting bard would we be if we didnt ponk her

>>18824170
She's clearly an evil witch sent to captivate our generals. We are however going about this the wrong way, we need to be sneaky lest our mother find out.

I say we posses the bear and attack her with Commander Cuddles. The mothers will be none the wiser and we shall regain our generalismo

>>18824186
But the only plonking we can concieve of, with our dark intellect, is plonking her with a toy brick charged with our twisted essence.

>>18824170

Et tu, Cuddles?

So in short, we are some kind of baby spawned from the darkest depths of the Warp/Hell/Netherrealm/other dark hellish place?

>>18824235

Apparently. More or less.

>>18824235
Worse.
The Internet

>>18824245
In that case, attempt to summon some sort of dark advisor/spiritual companion and bind him to the body of Commander Cuddles.

>>18824235
Well a few of us have *tried* to maintain more verisimilitude with real babies, but they are pretty boring and we seem to get outvoted.

>redayth constituted

So when are we going to eventually form a new nation, based on the threat of a deathray?

>>18824235
I'd argue we are still a real baby, just that everything we do is tinted through a sort of topsy turvy lens.

Bite her and scream in her ear. She shall know fear this day.

>>18824235
We're a baby who believes he's a hellspawn. When in reality we are some reincarnatiilon of some nice dude from poland.

Learn to walk an choke her.

>>18824327

Impossible.

Nothing good comes from Poland.

>>18824327
Coincidentally that man also thought he was a hellspawn.

Bumping for great babby justice

Cry, with the force of a thousand tortured souls. All these women wish to destroy your plans and now with commander cuddles in the hands of a madwoman and the two elders restraining you, the world seems much more lonely now that everyone is working against you.

>>18823982
Cry. It will get her in trouble.

this is gold, keep it going

>>18824435
When all things fail just cry

It's funny how we are a hellspawn baby named after God's Peace.

>>18824490
Funny or the perfect disguise?

We should use our blocks to build a ramp or something to climb out of our play pin. Then head off to the kitchen to fetch tasty drinks from under the sink for our friend to drink while we attempt to learn more about our world.

((sorry, someone tried to break into my house and I had to stop my dogs from killing them))

This was the final straw. The harlot seduced and kidnapped your faithful Commander...you need to get him back. In the corner of the playpen you discuss possible plans with your fish lieutenants, working out a possible method.

After the conference, it's with a heavy heart you realize what needs to be done. You grab a toy block with a large N on it and focus. Your pour your despair into it, channeling sheer negative energy.

All your grief.

All your isolation.

Your lust for vengeance goes into the block. you can't help but feel sorry for the girl, the weapon of mass destruction you hold in your hand could quite possible warp her from this reality in such a manner she feels it in every reincarnation of her soon-to-be miserable existence.

A fish lieutenant cries out to you, you think. He begs you to reconsider as he has a daughter or something. You refuse to comply to her terrorism, you desperately need your bear back.

He knows all of your secrets and it will be a matter of time before he spills to her that you're an abomination sent to herald The End. He's a damn good commander but you know from personal experience that everyone talks eventually.

You carefully set down your WMD, saving it for later. You pump your fist in the air and cry "FREEDOM!" or at least try to and wobbly stand up.

You will liberate cuddles! Your cry sunders the plane of existence, even the girl starts to cry when she hears your wail.

The oppressors hear the commotion and run over to your cage, ripping Cuddles out of her hand and handing him to you as your mother scoops you up yet again as you hold on to your bear with all your might.

She sets you down in a nearby crib and you hear the word "naptime". You shudder with fear but cling to Cuddles nonetheless.

He appears unharmed and he gathered useful information while captured. Girl's name appears to be Rachel and she too is a baby.

Perfect....

You are in a crib. Cuddles is by your side.

What do you do?

I vote nap.

>>18824541
Pretend to nap and make plans as what to do with this "Rachel"

>>18824541
Bide your time for seventeen years, take her to senior prom, and then dump her after you have sex for the first time in favor of her worst foe.

>>18824541
Discuss plans with Cuddles. Hear his bear advice and in turn grow fron it.

(Anyone getting a Calvin and Hobbes vibe? Jeff and Cuddles)

>>18824604
I like this idea.

I vote we bide our time for seventeen years and hold on to our grudge. foster a relationship.

keep cuddles by our side always

>>18824541
Do what we do every night, Cuddles...

>>18824609
No cause Hobbes was imaginary and cuddles is real

>>18824533
>>18824541
Wait for the oppressors to leave and jimmy the lock on the crib. WE WILL BE OPPRESSED, NO LONGER.

>>18824541
Check Cuddles for cooties. Otherwise we should rip Cuddles head off. That way we can hide a knife inside him for our next encounter with Rachel.

>>18824009
>>18824009
>>18824009
>>18824009


updating request

someone should totally draw Jeff and Cuddles ushering in the apocalypse

>>18824609
And now you've ruined it. Instead of being a natural thing it's going to forced.

>>18824541


We start our campaign of gorilla warfare against Rachel, and by extension, her mother. The wench has been activity supporting Rachel's aggressions, and needs to be dealt with. And by dealt with, I mean minorly inconvenienced as much as possible.

>>18824533
>((sorry, someone tried to break into my house and I had to stop my dogs from killing them))

Ha ha, what. Pardon? Who broke in, why, and why didn't you let the dogs eat their face off if their intent was malicious?

this thread....is pretty much amazing as fuck

>>18824646

Because in some states / countries run by communists, the victim can sue and win.

>>18824658
Disgusting Commies

>>18824658
>>18824673
Yeah, but our great leader OP wouldn't live in a shit state like Commiefornia, where crime is rampant and the criminals are defended against their victims and defenses against them are constantly blocked or banned?

>>18824638
But in the end do we destroy Rachel or make her a Thrall?

>>18824646

I'll greentext it for you

>surfing internet
>hear crash in front area of house, dogs barking like crazy
>grab my emergency shovel (I don't have guns)
>see man on ground, Hercules (saint bernard) is on top of him
>Cerberus (dober) is barking like it's going out of style
>tell dogs to calm down
>tell the guy if he doesn't leave in four seconds I will cry havoc

(note: my dogs are trained to attack if I say Havoc! (and let slip the dogs of war))

>he gets the picture

>>18824703
I vote for thrall. We need to build our empire and heralding the apocalypse can be a lonely job.

>>18824726
So we going to do guerrilla warfare against Rachel to destroy her psychologically and make her a thrall. Seems like a good plan to me

>>18824721

Your dogs are trained to attack on the word Havoc!

You are awesome and should feel awesome.

Now, back to the backstabbing and undermining necessary to start our empire of blood.

>>18824721
What? NO!

He dared enter your home, your property! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!

>>18824743
If we can break her mind and make her completely subservient, we might not even need to make her a TRUE thrall.

>>18824767
We will see how things go

>>18823333
We nap.
Then we poop while napping in order to get a better view of the world below us from the change table.

please tell me this is going to be archived?

I doubt we could subdue Rachel. For just as we have great power, surely she might have her own power. Maybe she is the blinding light to our crushing darkness. Could it be we were both put into the pen with intention of the two of us fostering a feud? Who is behind the scenes, pulling the strings?

>>18824849
I certainly hope so.

I still say we take Rachel as a consort.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18823333/

>>18824895
The elders! Has our mother betrayed us? The nuturer expects us fight. But if we are winning, they pull us away.

For now we shall remain nice. Bide our time....and maybe get more blueberries.

>>18824938
This sounds alright guerrilla warfare is supposed to be done in secret or at least not in the open anyways

>>18824996
Or we could rain fire down on all of them?

Poop... and then bide our time in waiting...

Hopefully OP didn't have the intruder return.

>>18825273
Clearly this thread is just OP describing his childhood, and "Rachel" just asked him to stop fooling around on the internet and get back to bed.

>>18825273
OP please don't be dead, you've made me laugh more tonight than I have in months.

>>18825273
Please come back.

>>18825273
Oh god no that mofo better not have come back to mess with op

>>18825273
Hav...oc...

Keeping this thread alive. We miss you OP.

Please don't let Babby Quest be a single chronicle.

Well, if there was an attempted burglary, OP would have to call the police to come down. From there, he would probably be interviewed about what happened and there would be police tramping about, collecting evidence.

Not really the ideal scenario to do a quest thread.

bump cause this needs to continue

Commander Cuddles demands answers to the delay in the Campaign of anti-Rachel Aggression.